"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
08/17/2015 at 09:30 • Filed to: bronze statue nipples, statue of limitations, audi allroad, audi someroad, audi mostroad, audi noroad, assume the service position
8
4|
"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
08/17/2015 at 09:30 • Filed to: bronze statue nipples, statue of limitations, audi allroad, audi someroad, audi mostroad, audi noroad, assume the service position | 8
| 4 |
The knock light on my dash goes apeshit as the huge engine boost-creepingly devours increasingly intricate matrices of pure dense air thanks to the cold weather. An external wastegate, new in box, sits on the back bench seat, angered at its involuntary dereliction of its one true duty.
It’s week thirteen of the winter, and a bitter cold snap just frosted the nipples clear off the bronze statue of the town’s founder, Joe “Shirtless” McLaughlin. I find myself stuck in traffic, an endless human centipede of honking and frustration that threatens to become an ouroboros of purestrain human misery.
An Audi Allroad comes to a stop beside me, the driver and her young charges hesitantly making eye contact, the horror adding strange new edges and vertices to their angry faces. I shriek out the open window that my thermostat is too high temperature, the heater core is bypassed, I have to keep the engine bay heat up or my toes will freeze off. They keep their windows rolled up. I can see the driver reach for the volume knob, perhaps opting that listening to the miasmatic soundtrack CD of “The Backardigans” is preferable to exposing her children to my particular form of mental illness. I can’t blame her.
For fifteen more minutes we creep in brutal stop and go traffic, my right-foot-based launch control serving well at keeping my toes firmly attached. Only at the head of the traffic mass do I see the true cause of the delay.
Before me, I see the most terrifying winter driving situation that has ever occurred. A gentle curve.
georgechristensen
> Seat Safety Switch
08/17/2015 at 09:33 |
|
feels good living in a place where it doesn’t snow and the roads don’t get icy
pip bip - choose Corrour
> georgechristensen
08/17/2015 at 09:46 |
|
couldn’t agree more!
EmbraceTheRasp
> Seat Safety Switch
08/17/2015 at 10:15 |
|
Nothing like the very special hell that is being trapped in a car with a single kid watching The Backyardigans crew musically re-enacting a movie that the kid won’t be ready to see for 10 years. iRobot? Really? Evil child penguin villain conquers mankind using robot force? Did that need to be a musical? Does this explain why my son shrieks when the vacuum turns on?
Next they’ll do an episode recapping a gay musical named “Gay” and the moose will claim to be “disabled” and/or Irish.
You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much
> georgechristensen
08/17/2015 at 10:54 |
|
I’ll take my winter driving. It weeds out the weak and stupid.